Thanks for Nothing

by Just Jae

I hate how you make me feel. I hate that I have let you affect me so deeply. I hate that you don’t even like me for who I am. I hate that being with you has made me forget how to love myself. I hate that I have to fight to remember how awesome I really am now. I hate that every time I think I am doing good, you eagerly let me know I am a useless fuck up. I hate that you make me want to die all over again. I hate that you can bring back those feelings I have fought for so long. I hate that you throw all of your bullshit on me. I hate that because you are so broken you have made it your job to make me feel just as broken. I hate that you make me feel inferior every single day. I hate that you steadily punish me for your sins. I hate that I know you will never truly love me. I hate that you want to keep me down. I hate that you manipulated me into believing you could be good for me. I hate that you use my flaws against me. I hate that you have one emotion; Anger. I hate that you don’t believe in me. I hate your lack of support. I hate the cloud of constant negativity you expect me to wear with you. I hate that you think you are better than me. I hate that you like making it known you are better than me. I hate that after years of me fighting to love myself you have brought me back to square one. I hate that when I lost someone dear to me, you never even asked how I was coping. I hate that till this day you still haven’t. I hate that I was your shoulder to cry one when you lost someone. I hate that with all I have gone through, you have never shown me any comfort. I hate that I know you never will. I hate that I have watched you comfort a stranger and never me. I hate you for never trying to get to know me. I hate that you have never asked me a personal question ever. I hate that you always talk and never listen. I hate that I can’t depend on you. I hate that I can’t cry to or around you. I hate that you aren’t who you are supposed to be to me. I hate that we will never be best friends. I hate how lonely I feel with you. I hate that you don’t even comprehend what you do to me. I hate that I am writing this. I hate that you will only get mad at me for writing this. I hate how you hate me but above all I hate that you won and I hate me now too.

*Somebody Kill Me – Adam Sandler*

Perspectives

by Just Jae

 

happy-sad

You are beautiful.
You are ugly.
You are intelligent.
You are fucking stupid.
You are capable.
You are a inadequate.
You are determined.
You are hesitant.
You are strong.
You are weak.
You are so funny.
You are too serious.
You are confident.
You are insecure.
You are fearless.
You are cowardly.
You are amazing.
You are a hot mess.
You are successful.
You are a fuck up.
You are an achiever.
You are a quitter.
You are a fighter.
You are a pussy.
You are a survivor.
You are a victim.
You are a warrior.
You are a casualty.
You are a diamond.
You are dirt.
You are a QUEEN.
You are a peasant.
You are so fit.
You are a fatass.
You are content.
You are never satisfied.
You are happy.
You are miserable.
You are a shit mom.
You are a phenomenal mom.

Perspective-boat-land
You are whatever you believe you are.

 

#SORRYNOTSORRY

by Just Jae

I will no longer apologize for my feelings.
I will no longer be afraid to voice my opinions.
I will no longer stand by the sidelines.
I will no longer deny myself happiness.
I will no longer be a target.
I will no longer be silenced.
I will no longer be cast aside.
I will no longer be bullied.
I will no longer feel guilty for speaking truth.

I will do all the things they won’t do for me.
I will love myself.
I will encourage myself.
I will be my support system.
I will build myself up.
I will hold my hand.
I will be my own shoulder to cry on.
I will realize I am enough.
I will find me again.